i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
