I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just cut my nipple shaving
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
