i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
