I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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