youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
