Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
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She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
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You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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