It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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