You're my little dorito
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
