He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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