the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
