Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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