I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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