why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
