So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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