I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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