i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
We need to get me chipped asap
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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