im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Found your dick twin last night
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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