Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
