Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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