girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
