Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
