i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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