Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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