I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
