What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
