Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
