if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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