We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
