the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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