guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
We have started to decorate penises.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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