Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
