Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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