Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
