i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
