Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
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