8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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