ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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