Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
