i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
