how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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