No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
