can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
