I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
