A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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