I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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