Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
