Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
