He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
