No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
