Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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