i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Who died my cat blue again?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
