Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
