i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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