i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
This is my gift to your gina
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
