I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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