He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
