i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
If I die, sorry about rent.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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