I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
