You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
