im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
