Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize