I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
