Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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