True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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