So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
