Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
