Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
