For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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