Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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