You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
