so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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