you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
