i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
