So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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