i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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