There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
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