So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
