please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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