so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
