theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
