Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
