She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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