I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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